Separation anxiety, when your baby cries or clings when you leave, usually appears around 8–10 months. It often peaks between 10 and 18 months and eases by around age 2–3. It’s a normal, healthy stage: your baby has learned that you still exist when you’re out of sight, but not yet that you always come back. Short, confident goodbyes, practice separations and a predictable routine help most.

Key takeaways

  • Crying when you leave is a sign of strong attachment, not of a problem.
  • Always say goodbye. Sneaking out makes babies more watchful and clingy.
  • Keep goodbyes short, warm and the same every time.
  • Practise short separations at home, and play peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek games.
  • It often flares up with new caregivers, illness, travel, a new sibling or new milestones.

Why it happens

Around 8–9 months, babies develop object permanence: they understand that people and things still exist when they can’t see them. Your baby now knows you’ve gone somewhere, but can’t yet predict when you’ll return. At the same time, many babies become wary of unfamiliar people (stranger anxiety). The CDC lists both as typical 9-month milestones: being shy or fearful around strangers, and reacting when you leave.

Signs of separation anxiety

  • Crying, reaching or clinging when you leave the room or hand them to someone else
  • Following you around the house, crawling or toddling after you
  • More night waking, or fussing at bedtime when you leave the room
  • Wariness of relatives or babysitters they used to go to happily

What helps

During the day

  • Play games about leaving and returning: peek-a-boo, hiding a toy under a cloth, and hide-and-seek around a doorway.
  • Practise short separations. Step into the next room, keep talking, and come back. Gradually stretch the time.
  • Introduce new caregivers gradually. Let your baby warm up on your lap first, then stay nearby while the caregiver plays.
  • Avoid separations when your baby is tired, hungry or unwell if you can; everything feels bigger then.

Goodbyes and daycare drop-offs

  1. Create a short goodbye ritual: a hug, a kiss, a wave at the window and the same phrase every time (“I always come back”).
  2. Leave confidently. Your baby reads your face. A calm, cheerful goodbye signals there’s nothing to fear.
  3. Don’t linger or return when the crying starts. Most babies settle within minutes of the parent leaving, and caregivers can tell you how quickly.
  4. Come back when you said you would, so your baby learns to trust the pattern.
  5. Bring something from home. A familiar toy or a T-shirt that smells of you can comfort a toddler in care.

At bedtime and at night

  • Keep a consistent, soothing bedtime routine so your baby knows what comes next.
  • Offer brief, calm check-ins if your baby wakes and is upset. A few soothing words or a pat often reassure them without starting new habits.
  • A comfort object (a lovey) can help after 12 months. Before 12 months, keep the crib empty for safe sleep.

Our guide to getting baby to sleep and sleep regressions cover night waking in more depth.

When to talk to your pediatrician

Separation anxiety is expected in babies and toddlers. Mention it at a check-up if:

  • it doesn’t ease at all after about age 3, or is getting more intense in preschool;
  • it stops your child from playing, eating or sleeping for long stretches;
  • your child loses skills they once had, or you have any worries about development (our milestone checklist can help you bring specifics).

Frequently asked questions

Did I cause separation anxiety by holding my baby too much?

No. Responsive care builds secure attachment, and securely attached babies often protest separations loudly, then settle and explore confidently.

Should I delay daycare until it passes?

There’s no need. Babies adapt to caring, consistent caregivers. A gradual start, with shorter days at first, makes the first weeks easier for everyone.

My baby only wants one parent. Is that normal?

Yes, and the favourite often changes. Let the other parent take over routines like the bath or a bedtime story with some quiet one-on-one time.

See also: baby milestones by month and baby language development.

Sources